Often times what I forget about being a Catholic is the joy that Jesus Christ purchased for me. It isn’t surprising to me that it’s so easy to write about the suffering and pain of my life. And this isn’t bad, as a matter of fact Jesus became human so that I may share in His humanity. I inherit the cross that Jesus carries for us.
But that’s the beautiful part! Jesus was crucified for us! How humbling is that? I sometimes think about the people I love so much that I’d die for them. And whenever I think of this, I remember that Jesus did exactly that. He did it for me. For you. For your enemy and my enemy. He did it for all humanity.
How joyful the cross is! How amazing is the gift of salvation that He purchased for us. And how great is the plan He has given us and has yet to give us! Everything we have is a gift, a joy that the Lord freely and willingly has given us. God is truly amazing. I am unworthy, but most importantly I am joyous in Him.
And again, another ‘last night’ and an another (upcoming) ‘first day’. And although I couldn’t wait until I left for school, I’m met with a somber feeling in my heart.
I’m reminded of a moment in Church, where the gospel reading was about a man whom Jesus was calling to follow Him. The man, although entirely ready to do so, responded to Jesus, ‘Lord, let me first bury my father’ and Jesus responded, essentially, ‘let the dead bury the dead, now come and proclaim the kingdom of God.’
God asks the rich young man to sell everything he has and follow Him in order to reach eternal life. He asks the twelve apostles that they must drop everything, pick up their cross and follow Him.
When I reflect on this, at first I wonder on how Jesus can ask of this. Leave my dead father? Sell everything I have? Drop everything I have? But what about me Lord?
But I’m met with a realization. God demands this of us. He demands we leave it all behind. Now, God definitely doesn’t cause or is the source of evil or pain. But the things that He asks of us can definitely be painful for us humans. He knows this and freely gives us the decision to do so or not. But what He knows, and what we do not know is that it is all worth it. God is worth it. The kingdom is worth it, and so much more.
So, once again I’m heart-broken that I’m leaving home again. I’m heart-broken that I’m leaving family behind, immediate and my own ‘bonded’ family. And I want to stay, because family is comfortable. It’s loving, it’s accepting, it’s fulfilling.
But the exceptionally hard truth I know is that this world has nothing for me. That the promise of the Kingdom is much more than what is here.
This sadness and pain I feel with leaving everyone in California again is definitely more difficult than it was the first time. But I have hope in the future The Lord has set out for me. For my life to be glorified and holy.
This sadness is my cross. It usually is for me, and probably for you, the reader, too. However, remember brothers and sisters, we are destined for Greatness. The first step for me is picking up my cross and to follow.
Usually I trip super hard when I feel like a close friend/best friend and I are starting to grow apart. Honestly, it is one of the most painful experiences to go through, and it’s one of those silent, sneak-up-on-you feelings of pain, rather than the immediate, ‘we just broke up’ pain. Instead of it all hurting at once, it just slowly eats at you continuously, and before you realize it’s too late to fix it (because you know, you always tell yourself it’ll work itself out), it’s past the point of almost no return.
Although the pain still exists, it was in these moments where I would the friend, or worst, myself. And it just spirals out of control. Feelings get hurt, things, which are usually over-reactions, get said, blame gets thrown, and overall it becomes a total mess. And usually, the whole thing just becomes way too hard for me accept.
But this time I feel more calm and collected about it all. Obviously, Jesus has a plan for each and every one of us. Who am I to interfere with the plan that He has for a specific person just because I’m not a part of it? Who am I to say that we should spend more time when I don’t entirely know what other lives are being blessed by the mere presence of the friend? Who am I to hold a gift of an amazing confidant, listener, and all of the other amazing qualities to a good friend to myself?
God has His own time. He can’t be restricted by our own desires, our ‘own’ relationships, by our own plans, by our own time. It’s all His.
So I have hope. In the future for myself and for the friends that I know I’ll eventually have to relinquish to The Lord. The Bible says ‘iron sharpens iron’, and I know that I have to let His tools, His instruments, His creation run it’s course.